Consarne it all! What happened to O U R cars! Where are those big, beautiful vehicles? Aren’t things supposed to be the other way around? Since when do we imitate the Japanese. Weren’t we the ones who always sneered at the labels that read, MADE IN JAPAN. What now! Besides, their cars used to cost between $4,000 and $5,000. All of a sudden we’re shelling out $35,000 plus for Japanese cars. They have run away with the world market. Maybe their models are O.K. for their little torsos, but what about the big American guys. Squeeze in – you’ll do better mileage. BS! I want to see big, beautiful cars on the road again! The new materials are light weight. AMERICAN MADE!!! O.K.!!? Why are the workings under the hoods all squeezed in? Give them some breathing space. Let the mechanics with big hands stop sweating it! What’s with the box look-Can’t we have long and sleek? If they want boxes let’s make them double-deckers and put the kids on top. I want some leg room! Doctors have enough business; why give them ‘passenger knee’ for treatment, when all we need is more leg room in our vehicles. What’s with the aeronautic seats? Even Nasa makes them bigger. Besides, American butts are much larger than Japanese butts. I want that back seat couch back. I want that soft vinyl; something cushy. I want to be able to clean the baby’s and dog’s vomit with a swipe. What is that stough they cover the seats with? As for the rug area? Huh? What’s that made out of? How about some nice strong, vacuum-suction accessible commercial carpeting? The ladies can’t sit next to their guys anymore either(not that I approve of constabular relations while driving) but it would cut down on the divorce rate if we had couch seating front and back. I want a dash board. Who had the nerve to do away with that flat area under the wind shield. I miss those Hawaiian hula dolls. That goes for the back window, too. I want to show off that bobble head I got for my birthday. Wasn’t it Volkswagen that started that rear window storage? But, then, those were Volkwagens. How about some trunk space; longer trunk space. I want enough room for a fishing rod, a bicycle, a lawn mower, all that Wal-Mart merchandise. What does the mafia do with bodies these days? Is there enough room in the trunk? Who cares if the vehicle gets 35 or 40MPG. I’ll take 20MPG anyday to drive a big, beautiful car. Pile the family in! The only kid in homeroom with a car needs B I G!! Most of us don’t need a car to commute coast to coast, just around. For Pete’s sake, the relative’s live in the next town or the next state for most of us. It’s Sunday dinner or just a plain old picnic or get-together. What’s with all the fancy stough on the dashboard! Geez! Give me simple! I don’t need all that computerized crap. I need to drive someplace, not go to the Moon. I don’t even need A.C. – just roll down the window! The kids can listen to their –Pods–I’ll be happy with a dial-up A.M. radio. Come on America! We failed when we tried to imitate the Japanese!! Let’s get back to good old American values. THINK BIG!! We need cars, so we buy what’s there. Let’s get that Japanese HEX out of the United States! Let’s get our cars back!! Cars will be around a few hundred more years. We can do better than anyone–COME ON-Did Henry Ford die in vain?
Here’s my list of names for a line of new American cars!! You have any ideas? Throw me a comment.
2-DOOR SEDAN SPORCADILLAC: Waltz Caesar Salo
LINCOLN: Ballet Lush Spot
PONTIAC: Tango Pop Sneeze
DODGE: Mambo Cave Dredge
CHEVROLET: Scream Shebang Shimmy
CHRYSLER: ChaCha Vroom Chrisp
BUICK: Bluster Sloop Blob
FORD: Foxtrot Crowd Frog
GM: Samba Cartall Droplet
PLYMOUTH: Hoofer Wallbanger Plop
JEEP: Juggler Frieze Jot
LEXUS: Luxus Lugger Lump
SMART SNOT BUGGER LIMP NODE NUCLEUS The FIG
I haven’t got a prayer in heaven, maybe there’s a Fiat. At least it’s cute.