WHY DON’T YOU EPITHETS…


I can’t stand the “F” word anymore.  Let’s get creative.

Dear person: You are challenged to come up with snap answers.

Why don’t you go sit on yourself?
Why don’t you mulch your face?
Why don’t you take a cruise on the Caribbean and jump overboard?
Why don’t you go hold the flag up at the North Pole?
Why don’t you go sit on an asteroid?
Why don’t you go step in a bear trap?
Why don’t you fall on your face and rearrange the floor?
Why don’t you tie your shoelaces together and take a walk?
Why don’t you go swing in the trees?
Why don’t you climb a mountain and jump off?
Why don’t you buy a hacienda on Pluto and wait for disintegration?
Why don’t you jump over the moon and look for the cow?
Why don’t you go crisp in the sun?
Why don’t you crawl back in your mother’s womb and disappear?
Why don’t you get lost on the Appalachian Trail?
Why don’t you take a walk and drop off the edge of the earth?
Why don’t you pick yourself up, put yourself in a bag, and take yourself out to the trash?
Why don’t you climb into your head and become nebulous?
Why don’t you take a walk on the ocean floor?
Why don’t you dissappear over the lip of the horizon?
Why don’t you stuff an egg in your face?
Why don’t you stuff a sock in it?
Why don’t you stough a rag in it?
Why don’t you dive off the cliff?
Why don’t you take a hot shower?  Boiling hot!
Why don’t you look in the mirror and snap out of it?
Why don’t you throw a banana on the floor and slip on it?
Why don’t you move to the North Pole and freeze up.
Why don’t you flush yourself down the toilet?
Why don’t you lock tongues with a parrot?
Why don’t you pull your socks over your head and walk away?
Why don’t you go lick a frog’s A?
Why don’t you go pull the beard of Zeus?  (Are you nuts!)
Why don’t you go suck your cheek?
Why don’t you go hug a cactus?
Why don’t you go to Tijuana and fast for seven days?
Why don’t you dive into the Atlantic and bathe in the trenches?
Why don’t you go on the fire escape and use your falsetto to scream, “FIRE!”
Why don’t you spit in the ocean and change the tide?
Why don’t you go smell your neighbor’s underwear?  Better yet, why don’t you pull your
underwear over your head and check out the brown spots?
Why don’t you go slam into a wall?
Why don’t you go kiss your mother?
Why don’t you inflate yourself and roll off?
Why don’t you crack an egg on your face and pretend it’s not there?
Why don’t you hold your face over a candle and see if it melts?
Why don’t you spit on your hands and smooth out your hair?
Why don’t you go quark yourself?
Why don’t you go check out your own particles?
Why don’t you split your atoms and become a nuclear hazard?
Why don’t you take a walk across the lake and see if you’ll get to the other side?
Why don’t you boil a pot of water and watch it till the last bubble disappears?
Why don’t you go sail the seven seas?
Why don’t you charge your particles and become an electromagnetic field?
Why don’t you turn into a nanoparticle and find something smaller?
Why don’t you get lost on the Appalachian Trail?
Why don’t you get smashed, in the meat grinder!?
Why don’t you go to the corner bar and drink their toilet water, before it gets flushed!?
Why don’t you go sit on a compost pile and compose yourself?
Why don’t you stick your fingers in your ears and check out the end of your tongue?
Why don’t you land on your feet and feel the impact?
Why don’t you go count the lice on your navel?
Why don’t you spit in the ocean and drown yourself?
Why don’t you go suck a flee?
Why don’t you go soak your hemorrhoids?
Why don’t you climb into the bottle and sail the ship?
Why don’t you have a bowl of Campbell’s Alphabet Soup and learn how to read.
Why don’t you stick your head in the pencil sharpener and come to the point?
Why don’t you rub mud on your glasses and cure yourself?
Why don’t you go sit on a cactus and keep quiet?
Why don’t you stick a grain of rice in your nostril and shoot it at your shoe?
Why don’t you go cruise all the continental states at 33 MPH and see me when you get back? (ANS: Does that include Alaska?)
Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong with your family so I can get to know them better?
Why don’t you go dyspepsia yourself?
Why don’t you stick your nose in your A and take a deep breath?
Why don’t you take a walk around the Pacific basin and count the volcanoes?
Why don’t you do some military maneuvers on the Great Wall of China?
Why don’t you go stand on the pop deck?
Why don’t you grab a body of water and walk across it?
Why don’t you go to the neighbor’s and ask them if you can sleep on their couch tonight?
Why don’t you go play with the Mafia and visit a new dimension?
Why don’t you rub a nice, bright, green jalapeno pepper on your hands and wait ten minutes?
Why don’t you close your lips and pretend I don’t exist.
Why don’t you go massage your brain?
Why don’t you go pull some pig’s teeth?
Why don’t you stuff your face in your nose and blow it out?
Why don’t you move someplace and pretend to be an only child?
Why don’t you go sit on a toilet seat and think deep thoughts? (ANS: With the lid up or down?)
Why don’t you go sit on a rock and see if it will talk to you?
Why don’t you run around the tree a couple of times?
Why don’t you blow up a giant glass jar and float yourself in formaldehyde?
Why don’t you chase yourself around a tree and kick yourself in the butt?
Why don’t you stick your head in the ceiling and check out the space?
Why don’t you go suck a donut hole?
Why don’t you climb a mountain and scream at your spouse when you reach the summit?
Why don’t you stuff an apple in your face and roast yourself?
Why don’t you fart yourself up to the ceiling?
Why don’t you make like a frog and croak?
Why don’t you stick your anus in your ear and fart hard?
Why don’t you go rock an egg or something?!
Why don’t you go toast yourself. (excuse to drink)
Why don’t you go smoke yourself and sell your taso.
Why don’t you go raid the neighbor’s fridge?
Why don’t you lie down on a bed of nails and let me know how it feels?
Why don’t you feed your ego, it’s bigger than your intelligence?
Why don’t you lean against a lamp post and see if it’s brighter than your head?
Why don’t you go count your christenings?
Why don’t you climb a tree and see what you can see?
Why don’t you grab a garbage can lid and slide down Mt. Everest?
Why don’t you go fart yourself out of existence?
Why don’t you kick yourself in the ass and see if your brain will start functioning?
Why don’t you bury your head in the sand and wait for the dessert to blossom?
Why don’t you go to the moon and breathe?
Why don’t you run yourself up the flag pole and flap in the breeze?
Why don’t you hang yourself out the window and shake the dust out?”
Why don’t you climb in your shirt and count the hairs?
Why don’t you go outside and rub your back up a tree?
Why don’t you visit Gomorrah and bring back a real tall tale?
Why don’t you transport to the Amazon and kiss a frog?
Why don’t you take the wheels off your chair and go for a spin?
Why don’t you two put crazy glue on your butts , stick them together, and walk in opposite directions?
Why don’t you paddle down a sewer system and come back with something worthwhile?
Why don’t you preserve yourself for posterity?
Why don’t you attach an engine to your baby carriage and wheel yourself home?
Why don’t you talk yourself into a hole and then hire a bulldozer?
Why don’t you go smell some Limburger and then tell me my feet smell?
Why don’t you go baptize yourself….three times and stay under. (Greek Orthodox)
Why don’t you fall into the orchestra pit and give yourself a fanfare?
Why don’t you jump in the coffee grinder, turn the dial to fine grind, and make an expresso exit?
Why don’t you abduct yourself back to your own country?

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About Sonja Bukvic

Single. I'm fascinated by the mind. I absolutely love humor. I have a B.A. in Enlish Literature from Fairfield University. When I found Word Press Free Blog I was excited and I'm so happy to share with you. I commune with the Creator and am allowed to share certain bits of enlightenment. You don't have to believe, but those with Faith, take it quietly and seriously.
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