When young people “fall in love” (and older ones), there should be question marks all around your person and feelings. Why did I “fall in love”? Who is this person? When exactly did the feelings occur? Was it instantaneous? Did it take one hour? Did it take a few days, weeks? Young people “fall in love” more often till the depths and heights of feelings become ingrained and newness wears off. The interim periods lengthen, sometimes peter out all together. When both hearts have professed their love for the other, the love will take wing and you will feel strength and a surge of life. If the heart doesn’t profess its’ mutual love, then the love will weaken you and leave you lifeless.
Having just passion and lust is not true love. Physical attraction does not justify love. Sex does not constitute love. One must have heart-ache and mind-ache and brain immersion. These three ‘flags’ must be waving and synchronized before you can honestly say, “I’m in love.” Wait for the passion and lust to subside (most especially do not indulge in romantic physical contact). This is the most difficult time in a relationship that suggests “being in love.” Physical contact, and I don’t mean social contact, will only cloud your judgment and cause errors. The heart of the matter is in your chest. There is a tightness, a longing, a pull that migrates towards the person you have feelings for. The mind is in constant gear, programming a life with the person. The mind devises ways to be with that person, to see them, to talk to them, to be in proximity to them. Oftentimes other people will interfere, keeping you apart and poisoning your brain with idle talk and jealousies.
Being sensible when all these phases are synchronized isn’t easy, especially when you’re young. As time passes, and it must, you will begin to focus the feelings and have a clearer view of what you want. When your spiritual feelings come around full circle and they have flowed through the person of your affections and the emotions are outgoing of the same caliber, than you might end up being “in love” for awhile. If the physical presence is manifested than the torches can keep burning. Do not jump into an engagement for at least six (6) months. Then if the male asks the female and both hearts beat as one, the engagement period should focus on the immediate future with financial and social concerns. Once these are settled, the dreams you have wished for this union will start to take shape in your conversations and the road to wedded bliss will begin.
If, however, the feelings are not reciprocated or your feel they are being suppressed, then wait for the one you love to work things out on their end, but do not interfere. If there is no reciprocity after one year, then take a firm grip on yourself and end the relationship. The pain left in your heart will diminish slowly and eventually become a faded memory, but the lasting effects of the “broken heart” will remain. From then on, each time you “fall in love” will be more intense; you will expect more out of each subsequent involvement because your attraction to the opposite gender will diminish.
If there is an ideal for the importance of LOVE in your life and your partner doesn’t come along, then by all means stay single. Marriages of convenience and security will most likely end in divorce and offspring will end up judging relationships according to what they experience with their parents, which might very ell lead to unhealthy ties in their future and create generations of sick hearts and minds. Better to be wise and broken-hearted than foolish and selfishly stupid.
We all “fall in love” in varying degrees throughout our existence. If you have chosen a spouse, do not let any “new” love interfere and destroy your wedded marriage, instead, open your heart to your partner and work together on incorporating your “new” feelings into the web of your marriage. Love is meant to renew and nourish, don’t let jealousy destroy it. “Falling in love” is temporary, always. It covers a short span of time. Do not let it overwhelm your marriage. LOVE = Mind + Heart + Body